Winning

What a deal! What a signed deal! I burst into the bar still smarting with pleasure at the cavalcade of back slaps that had echoed onto the flesh betwixt my shoulders.

I had netted the company a cool £4m on the back of some risky and indeed morally dubious endeavours.

"What can I get you to drink you old rascal?" one prominent director asked, ruffling my velvety hair with a single leather-clad hand.

"I'll have a pint of blood please" I smiled back, absent-mindedly raising the tip of my nose to temporarily resemble a sated pig.

"Good man" he said looking a little rueful, "I can't say I've ever been one for Cocktails myself, I think a pint of Bitter is about as frivolous as I'm likely to get at my age" he continued to a flurry of nervous laughs from the colleagues who had by now gravitated toward the lure of the deal-winner and big boss.

"Nor me" I admitted, "Its not a cocktail". More nervous laughter. "Nope. What I want is a cold glass of genuine blood, preferably from a human".

All around me mouths gaped.

"Oh for goodness sake people" I flailed my hands with exasperation, "I'll get the damn drink myself" and I hurried to the bar with a suspicious shuffling gait.

"Excuse me my darling" I bellowed down the bar at the already busy girl, "when you have a minute….".

She visibly sighed, completed her order and approached slower than a Snail on Prozac.

"What blood do you sell?"

"Assorted animal, human or frothy" she answered, fingers knuckle deep within her elongated ear.

"Frothy hmmm?" I marvelled, "sounds like a right copious amount of fun" I shrivelled, "what's frothy about it?"

"Weeeelllll" she drawled with a level of disinterest capable of entry into the Guinness book of world records, "Its virgin's blood but with bubbles blown into it with a straw".

"Authenticated?" I asked with raised eyebrows, all too aware of fakes cascading onto the Market like watches.

"Yes it comes with a certificate of Awful dentist cajun". She replied.

"Authentication?"

"Yes if you like".

Gingerly I climbed onto the bar and wiggled my hips in a broadly circular motion.

"What do you think of this gangboys?" I screeched, "Got enough pelvis for one night?" I sneered down at the anonymous faces of colleagues I neither cared about nor cared about.

"Do you think I care about any of you?" I continued, "Well NEWSFLASH people, I don't care about you and I don't even care".

It took just one blown kiss from a former conquest to send me toppling to the floor behind the bar.

I looked up meekly at the girl who was serving me and, by way of explanation, told her "One thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach, all the damn vampires".