My boss asked me to draft the following letter to BBC North and Yorkshire television:
Dear Sir or Madam,
It is with regret that I find myself having to write to you both again. You will recall that we had cause to complain back in March over your misleading reporting of one of our Initiatives. Once again we are extremely dismayed at the tone and manner in which you have reported such an initiative which threatens to undermine our efforts to promote healthy lives in our region.
You report with overt scepticism that the initiative to implant live Lobsters into women with fertility problems is unlikely to receive public backing. On the contrary, thousand of people in the UK have some form of fertility problem. Conventional IVF is both costly in monetary and psychological terms. By offering couples the chance to conceive a hard shelled expensive crustacean, we are giving hope to those poor buggers where hope was gone. Where their feeble bodies and minds were bereft of smiles due to the lack of working innards, we offer a viable alternative.
Of course, the Lobsters are not always carried to full term and even in the event that they are, the birth normally results in the death of both the Lobster, the mother and the father. But the choice is stark for these people, particularly in the grim North. They either vainly carry on with the fevered but ultimately fruitless coupling on the kitchen table, or they reach out to health professionals and say
“Yes. Yes I DO have a problem and I want a baby Lobster”.
I pity the poor sod who tries to deny these ‘people’ this opportunity.
Yours truly,
Colin Badger-Silk
No comments:
Post a Comment